Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
