Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
