I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
