dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
