I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
