I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
