Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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