you guys were way drunker than both of me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
