So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
