So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
