We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
