At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
