ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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