There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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