In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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