So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
