I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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