I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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