Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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