I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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