Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
