So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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