Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
