it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
