Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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