Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
