Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
