u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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