Ambien. No doubt about it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
