I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
