im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
