Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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