Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
