As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
