I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
