Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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