sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
