if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the night ended with taco bell and tears
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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