Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
