if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
