I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
