I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
