is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
