When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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