Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
