I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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