if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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