I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
