the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
