What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
